I have always thought and been told I was smart, talented, meant for greater things.  This has taught me to expect that God would use me in greater ways than he is now. Why does my perceived intelligence or strategic ability entitle me to bigger things?  

I want God to do something big with my life otherwise it’s a waste – this seems to be the lie that I tell myself, that what I’m doing right now isn’t good enough.  What does that say about me? Or what I think of me?  What does that say about how I think God is supposed to work.  God has to do big things with the big people, and little things with the little people.  He wouldn’t use a genius to do a little project, or a dumb person to do a big project.  That is such a misconception of mine, a lie from the enemy.  

I could only ask for big things on account of God’s grace, and his greatness, independent of what I offer that project. And I am not sure how to qualify what is big and what is small.  Was the little boy who brought Jesus his loaves and fishes taking part in a small project?  It was God who multiplied the food.

Whatever God puts me in, as his Kingdom project, that is the size of the project that God has chosen based on his wisdom and on his great knowledge, not because of my great knowledge or ideas or wisdom.  I pray this, here and now: “I ask you, God, to give what I ask to my people because of my great love in you, and your love for me.  This is the basis on which I ask Jesus.  Peace in my city.  Resources.  All that is promised us in this city. God would you help the poor in my city?”

Who is to say which project for God is more worthy than another? I realize that people who are in grand roles in the Kingdom believe that it is because of their great worthiness.  They might be a demonstration of what God can do with so little talent (or character!). I do think that there are people who mistake the size of their responsibility for the size of their greatness in the Kingdom.  It is not a hierarchy of callings, there is no greater calling than obedience to God’s calling on your life.  What does it say about me that I look down on what God has me doing in this very moment?  I wrongly believe I am better, and that there is a better.  The only one better is God, all else are equal below him.

Look in the Bible.  The greatest calling, and the greatest obedience was Jesus on the cross.  He is the one who was most obedient to the highest calling, and it got him tortured and killed in a humiliating way.  He died naked and alone, on display for all to see, bled out and nailed to a piece of wood.  Barbaric, and yet a politically calculated assassination of a good man. Don’t believe that there is a higher calling than this, to live a life like Jesus, as well as die like him.  Poor, homeless, jobless, a working class man at his peak, a single mother home, he gave away every role he had in heaven and every role he had on earth, and he stood up for the poor and voiceless.  There is a God that loved us enough to live as he did, and to empower us to do so with him. and die as Jesus did.